the metric diet...

introduction...

2005-02-22T12:06:00.000Z

*** WARNING - THIS DIET PLAN CONTAINS SOME SWEARING ***

Everybody knows there are only really two ways to lose weight.

You actually know this already - it's really dull ...but let's repeat them together????

Method One - "Eat fewer calories than you burn!" - Catwalk model technique

Method Two - "Burn more calories than you eat!" - Olympic athlete technique

Listening recently to another "guru" who's launched a book to "help" people diet I thought - hang on a second this isn't rocket science... it's just common sense!

I've struggled with yoyo weight loss for the last 10 years so I decided to create this blog as a "simple diet for simple men!".

Since then I've spoken to a number of women who liked the idea - so I've broadened it out for anyone - male or female who's fucking simple...

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Please note: this is still work in progress... there'll be some podcast information to support each section.

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If you find this blog useful please please tell other people about it and pass it on. Remember you can post comments, encouragement etc. anywhere indicated.

Cartoons are taken from the excellent gapingvoid.com - hugh macleod

David Coe - 18/7/05

lose the weight...

2005-02-08T07:55:00.000Z

Just lose the weight - so how much in 100days?

If you're really really fat - about 20kgs

If you're very fat - 15kg

If you're overweight - 10kgs

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if you're the right weight - what the fuck are you doing here?

how are you doing?...

2005-02-07T13:48:00.000Z

Hopefully we'll get a little community going...

Other Diets

2005-02-07T13:47:00.000Z

other diets we know...

the atkins diet - dangerous or not?
rosemary connolly - fitness and sensible eating
weight watchers - group hug - points not calories
slimmers world - as above...
special k - that's a breakfast cereal??
other stuff...

Psychology...

2005-02-07T13:38:00.000Z

Dieting isn't easy. If it was - there wouldn't be so many books available, so many articles written and so much rubbish to wade through. Here are 10 things to hold on to...

Dieting is about a state of mind - you need to be "in the zone" - you can't always get there - so let yourself off the hook every now and then.
Try and focus on the process - not the end result. Nearly all diets focus on "the Goal" - the target - the big day - this is very difficult to achieve...
Learn how to deal with your problem foods - discover a "food twin" - instead of your favourite bar of chocolate have your favourite piece of fruit. Instead of a glass of wine pur yourself a delicious fruit drink with ice and a slice ogf lemon and drink it in your most expensive "best glass" that you normally only get out for posh guests...
Learn how to deal with your problem situations - blah blah...

ten rules - keep it simple stupid...

2005-02-07T07:56:00.000Z

Here they are - learn them off by heart - print this page out and carry it around with you for the first 10 days...

My metric diet Rules ....................................

Tell everyone you meet that you're dieting - really bore the shit out of them!
MEN - For an "average" fat bastard no more than 2,000 calories /day - if you can do 1,750 / day you'll lose weight quicker.

WOMEN - For an "average" fat bastardess no more than 1,750 calories /day - if you can do 1,500 / day you'll lose weight quicker.

(Note: if you're not really that fat and just want to lose a bit of weight you shouldn't be here. These calorie amounts will probably be too many for you - most diets are based around "fast weight loss" and therefore will be 1,000-1,250 / day)
All weight loss to be measured in Kgs - not lbs... just trust me on this one!
Don't get weighed every day - stay focussed on the process not the results! Get weighed every 10% (that's every 10 days stupid!)
Take Vitamins (.esp ginseng) - they do fuck all good - but you'll feel really virtuous...
No eating between meals except fruit or veggies and NO SKIPPING MEALS - EVER!!
No winging about being on a diet - embrace it be positive!
No more than 2 units/alcohol a day - you'll just get pissed and eat stuff! This diet plan encourages binge drinking - save the units up - but remember to make allowances in your daily calorie counting
You're allowed up to 5% slippage for "special occassions" - they have to be birthdays, weddings or funerals to count - remember it's only 100 days - not the rest of your life! You must do the equivalent number of days at the end of the 100 days. i.e. I had 3 days "off" - so I ended up doing 103 days...
Wear different clothes... see clothing

Clothing

2005-02-06T23:28:00.000Z

Throw out anything in your wardrobe that's too big for you - as you are at the moment - right here right now... you're not going to get any fatter!!
Put the clothes that you still have from "when you were thinner" on the right hand side of your wardrobe - that's what you're aiming for!
If any of these clothes are really out of date / sad loser clothes - just throw them away now!! You won't want to wear them by the time you can!
Go out and buy 2 pairs of cheap trousers / skirts / whatever - that are the correct size for your current waist size - one smart / one casual.
(No pretending on size... these are disposable - you'll be throwing them away in 4-6 weeks time!!)
As these clothes get too big buy some more!! repeat from 1 as necessary.
...there aren't 10 rules on clothing!

exercise

2005-02-06T16:18:00.000Z

all about exercise will go in here - what's best to get you started etc etc...

going to the off licence
walking
cycling
jogging
running
racquet sports
the gym...
housework
posting stuff
dancing...

usual disclaimer...

2005-02-05T23:39:00.000Z

Before starting any kind of diet - especially if you're a bit fat - you should always consult your physician / doctor... OK?

Getting Started

2005-02-02T21:31:00.000Z

It's all about preparation:

plan the day that you are going to start
make sure you have a meal plan for the first few days
make sure you drink lots of water...